Hanging on to that Baby Weight....Two Decades Later

So, I had twins. You can imagine how large my stomach must have been stretched to house 2 gigantic, full-term "wombmates" who had a full sized condo built up inside of my uterus complete with disco ball and chef's kitchen....except none of that happened. They were 3 months premature and weighed a whopping 5 pounds TOTAL at birth. For two babies. Also, it was almost twenty years ago, but whatev. That's neither here nor there.

The thing is, I've been carrying around this "baby weight" for a couple of decades now and well, I've become accustomed to the squishy marshmallow fluff of my midsection. It's like my own built in body pillow. Very Pillsbury Doughboy or Disney's Baymax.

But, I came to the conclusion that I'd really like to grow old with my husband (mostly so we can nag our kids in our old age and embarrass them when we talk about our rheumatism and make them cut our old people toenails...it's the little things that bring me joy) so I have been working hard at adapting to a Whole30 lifestyle. What is that, you say? Well, I'm glad you asked...because apparently, you've been living under a rock.

Believe me when I say that I have done the legwork on dieting. I have done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, the cabbage soup diet, the one where you eat a hard boiled egg, a hot dog and a cup of black coffee diet. Heck, my sainted husband even wrapped me up in freaking saran wrap and herbs once upon a time...and then I went running...wrapped in those herbs...in a track suit no less. It was not one of my finer moments. My point is that I have tried (and failed) at every diet and Whole30 has been the only thing that has worked for me and kept me motivated longer than a quick run to Baskin Robbins.

The Whole30 diet consists of a lot of NO's: No dairy, no grain, no sugar, no beans, no alcohol...no joy. But, let me tell you something; That $hit works! The key is to give yourself a month (a full 30 days) to eliminate all of the toxins from your body that have built up over time, never cheating at all, not even sugarless gum or mints. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Eat very clean and drink half the Pacific Ocean in water and the pounds will drop off quickly. I did the first 30 days and lost over 25 pounds! While there are a lot of things you can't eat, there are still plenty that you CAN. I am a firm believer that no one should deprive themselves of anything, and saying that I can't have a potato or fruit is like saying that there is no Santa Claus (which we all know that's TOTALLY not true...right, RIGHT???). The Whole30 allows you to have white potatoes and sweet potatoes as well as all fruits, and that totally saved me! Can I get an AMEN my brothers and sisters?  You eat a lot of lean meats, all the veggies and fruit you want and if you close your eyes and chew really, really fast, the coconut chia seed "pudding" I make can be mistaken for an actual dessert. If you don't chew fast, it's like eating boogers....so take my advice and chew, chew, chew!

Once I was done with the 30 days, I haven't wanted to quit (save for the shameful moment of scarfing down a box of chicken mcnuggets in my car a couple of days ago...and maybe a hot apple pie...and possibly some fries. Curse you, Golden Arches!) and I have been going strong with no desire to end it! So, if you've got yourselves a little tubba-wubba around your mid-section that you want to get rid of, give Whole30 a try...I promise you it's not that bad!

If that doesn't work, I know where you can get a great deal on saran wrap.

Catch ya on the flipside, Peeps!

Mama P