HEAR ye, HEAR ye....just kidding.
* Disclaimer #1* - I am a terrible person...but not intentionally.
* Disclaimer #2* - Because of my terribleness, Karma has done reared her ugly head.
Several years ago my best friend Andrea and I traveled to Italy. It was an incredible time, as adventures with your best friend often are. One day, we took a train from Rome to Florence for a little day trip, which also happened to be a day when the devil apparently unleashed the biggest fireball heatwave we have ever experienced. It was hot, I tell you...BLAZING hot, and if you don't know me, you should understand that I am of the fair-skinned, burn with 50 SPF sunblock, break-out in a prickly heat rash, frizzed-out hair like Nana Rosanna Danna kind of person. My husband is one lucky fellow. A lucky fellow, indeed. 😉 I am getting sidetracked, but you need to understand my state of mind as it would appear that the heatwave tarnished some of my brain cells as heatwaves are known to do..hence the disclaimer #1 above.
On our way back on the train to Rome, we were surrounded by very snooty, very abnormally unfriendly Italians and for 2 American ladies who were delirious from the heat and who normally thrive on bringing the party to wherever we are, my hysterical best friend tried unsuccessfully to strike up a conversation with these grumpy passengers (which, if you knew us you would know how much this bothered us!). What does any good loyal gal do when someone is shunning her best friend? Well, you mess with the mean locals who just can't fathom how utterly charming you are! So, for the remaining 2 hour train ride, for reasons I still don't understand, I pretended I was deaf and she and I communicated only in sign language. It is important for you to know at this point that neither of us know a lick of sign language, but let me tell you, we put on a performance like no other. The kind that could rival what you see on the side of a Broadway show. It was oscar-worthy theatrical and deeply moving...and all a bunch of BS.
Here is where Disclaimer #2 comes into play...big time. Buckle up, folks.
My family has a history of hearing loss (the irony, right?). It is caused from a narrowing of bone in the ear canal. My dear Grandpa had it and my mom has it as well, but it didn't effect them severely until past the age of 70 years old. I am not 70...I'm still a spring chicken. Or, more like a mid-autumn quail.
Anywhoodle, back to my story. My family had been noticing that I would have to have them repeat things to me a few times or they would call my name and I wouldn't hear them. They annoyingly begged for me to see the doctor to which I would roll my eyes because they OBVIOUSLY needed to just speak more clearly and articulately because it couldn't possibly be my hearing...mumble, mumble, mumble. 🙄
Welp, fast forward a couple of years and my husband and I were talking in his office about something and he said, "Thank you for doing that."
And I responded, obviously with...wait for it... "Cashew Chicken".
I thought he was asking me what was for dinner. Classic mistake.😐
So, I finally agreed to go to the doctor, just to prove everyone wrong of course. I went to my PCP who immediately flunked my hearing test (I've never been a good test taker) and sent me directly to the ear specialist. They put me in the padded room (where some might believe is the best place for me), placed the head phones on and instructed me to click the button every time I heard a sound. Easy, peasy. I was a shoe-in to ACE this test.
I waited.
And waited.
And waited some more, thinking that my headset must be broken...only it wasn't. I just apparently suck in the hearing department.
The end result 5 years ago was 40% hearing loss and 2 years ago it jumped to 60% loss. Where it goes from here is anyone's guess, but I'm going to venture to say that it ain't gonna get better. I am now the proud owner of some super-fly hearing aids that make me want to crawl out of my skin due to the wire and microphone stuck deep into my ear canal, but I forge on my friends. I'm debating on bedazzling then with sequins and glitter...stay tuned.
So, the moral of this very long-winded story is never ever, under any circumstance, when traveling in a foreign country pretend that you are hard of hearing because Karma will snap that ear drum in two. Take it from someone who knows.
You'll thank me one day.
Nice hearing from you....just kidding, I can't hear.
Arrividerci! Ciao! 🤙🏼👋🏼🤘🏼👌🏻✊🏼
Mama P
* Disclaimer #2* - Because of my terribleness, Karma has done reared her ugly head.
Several years ago my best friend Andrea and I traveled to Italy. It was an incredible time, as adventures with your best friend often are. One day, we took a train from Rome to Florence for a little day trip, which also happened to be a day when the devil apparently unleashed the biggest fireball heatwave we have ever experienced. It was hot, I tell you...BLAZING hot, and if you don't know me, you should understand that I am of the fair-skinned, burn with 50 SPF sunblock, break-out in a prickly heat rash, frizzed-out hair like Nana Rosanna Danna kind of person. My husband is one lucky fellow. A lucky fellow, indeed. 😉 I am getting sidetracked, but you need to understand my state of mind as it would appear that the heatwave tarnished some of my brain cells as heatwaves are known to do..hence the disclaimer #1 above.
On our way back on the train to Rome, we were surrounded by very snooty, very abnormally unfriendly Italians and for 2 American ladies who were delirious from the heat and who normally thrive on bringing the party to wherever we are, my hysterical best friend tried unsuccessfully to strike up a conversation with these grumpy passengers (which, if you knew us you would know how much this bothered us!). What does any good loyal gal do when someone is shunning her best friend? Well, you mess with the mean locals who just can't fathom how utterly charming you are! So, for the remaining 2 hour train ride, for reasons I still don't understand, I pretended I was deaf and she and I communicated only in sign language. It is important for you to know at this point that neither of us know a lick of sign language, but let me tell you, we put on a performance like no other. The kind that could rival what you see on the side of a Broadway show. It was oscar-worthy theatrical and deeply moving...and all a bunch of BS.
Here is where Disclaimer #2 comes into play...big time. Buckle up, folks.
My family has a history of hearing loss (the irony, right?). It is caused from a narrowing of bone in the ear canal. My dear Grandpa had it and my mom has it as well, but it didn't effect them severely until past the age of 70 years old. I am not 70...I'm still a spring chicken. Or, more like a mid-autumn quail.
Anywhoodle, back to my story. My family had been noticing that I would have to have them repeat things to me a few times or they would call my name and I wouldn't hear them. They annoyingly begged for me to see the doctor to which I would roll my eyes because they OBVIOUSLY needed to just speak more clearly and articulately because it couldn't possibly be my hearing...mumble, mumble, mumble. 🙄
Welp, fast forward a couple of years and my husband and I were talking in his office about something and he said, "Thank you for doing that."
And I responded, obviously with...wait for it... "Cashew Chicken".
I thought he was asking me what was for dinner. Classic mistake.😐
So, I finally agreed to go to the doctor, just to prove everyone wrong of course. I went to my PCP who immediately flunked my hearing test (I've never been a good test taker) and sent me directly to the ear specialist. They put me in the padded room (where some might believe is the best place for me), placed the head phones on and instructed me to click the button every time I heard a sound. Easy, peasy. I was a shoe-in to ACE this test.
I waited.
And waited.
And waited some more, thinking that my headset must be broken...only it wasn't. I just apparently suck in the hearing department.
The end result 5 years ago was 40% hearing loss and 2 years ago it jumped to 60% loss. Where it goes from here is anyone's guess, but I'm going to venture to say that it ain't gonna get better. I am now the proud owner of some super-fly hearing aids that make me want to crawl out of my skin due to the wire and microphone stuck deep into my ear canal, but I forge on my friends. I'm debating on bedazzling then with sequins and glitter...stay tuned.
So, the moral of this very long-winded story is never ever, under any circumstance, when traveling in a foreign country pretend that you are hard of hearing because Karma will snap that ear drum in two. Take it from someone who knows.
You'll thank me one day.
Nice hearing from you....just kidding, I can't hear.
Arrividerci! Ciao! 🤙🏼👋🏼🤘🏼👌🏻✊🏼
Mama P
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